she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
