Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All the doctor said was why
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
