Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
