My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
