ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
