Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
