Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
