dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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