Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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