ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
