So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
