Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
