the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
