Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
