you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
