After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
