We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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