tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
