I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
