That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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