we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
