someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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