there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
