you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
