she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
