do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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