Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
what day is it and did you see me today?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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