She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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