WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
