it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
