Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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