I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
