Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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