Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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