the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
