Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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