The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There r osticjed everywhere
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
