You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
