The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
