I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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