so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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