areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
