True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
