i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
