He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
