I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize