Me. At least after what I've been through.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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