Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dignity is for republicans.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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