oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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