I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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