This girl is more easily done than said...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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