I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
