I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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