My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
