Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
