until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
