i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
