All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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