he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
