And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
