Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
