There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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