tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
