I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
